Domestically Challenged

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. (Proverbs 31:27)

I always felt very domestically challenged whenever I visited some 'people' homes. A neatly arranged table cloth over the dinning table, a vase filled with flesh flowers, cushions that are laid orderly on the sofa. These simple unnoticable things speak alot about a woman, who is also the keeper of her home.

Sometimes I wonder, "How would I feel about my house if I knew nobody else was ever going to see it? How would I want my home to look like?" I am not talking about having expensive furniture or unique culinary collection. But simply, keeping my house clean and in order. Adding a touch of warmth and love in making my home a comfortable, cosy and clean for my family and guests.

Many years ago, I used to be a person who put little time in housekeeping. As long as my laundry bag does not overflow with unwashed clothings, the dishes are not left unattended in the sink, I persuaded myself that I am a good wife and I had done my part. Never was I convinced that I need to go beyond just maintaining a clean house until God dealt with me in this area three years back. I began to study and explore Proverbs 31 and realised how God defines beauty and reveals His call for woman. On top of that, I am so thankful for a handful of 'older woman' in my midst who had demonstrated to me what it means to honour God, to love my husband and son, simply by preparing a nice home-cooked meal, keeping the house tidy, the beds are comfortable, clothes are ironed and packed.

I need to see taking care of my home as a discipline, part of my growth as a wife and mother. I don't have to like it or be good at it. I just have to simply do it. God has been graciously helped me see the importance of restoring my calling as a wife and mother. This doesn't come easy and it takes efforts and hard work in keeping a house a home. I have never looked back since then with regrets. Instead, I found myself growing more passionately doing the chores at home and cooking. It is a love langauge to my husband and son that they matter to me.

And God is glorify.

Relationship that Matters

Sabah, well known as the Land below the Wind, has a special place in my heart. I had made several mission trips to this land and God has never failed to teach me valuable lessons in every one of these trips. Last week, I spend four days in Sabah, KK with my husband Matthew and another couple, James and Jennifer. This time, plainly for holidays. I arrived with great enuthisiam in KK, Sabah and left the place filled and richly blessed.

Relationships is what made this trip so special. Our dear friends from D'Gap Baptist Church went all the way to ensure our lodging and transportation were well taken care of. They make us feel so special and modeled for us what is servanthood hospitality through their many simple and thoughtful ways. In spite of their own busyness, they extended love. They invited us over to their homes for dinners, making calls frequently to ensure we are not lost in our directions and taking care of our concerns. I felt that the Lord blessed us so much in those four days. We went home deeply blessed and enriched by their love and generousity.

It was our first time travelling together with James and Jennifer as holiday partners. We had much fun, alot of food and meaningful fellowship. We decided onset before our holidays that we should add a spiritual edge to it. With Mt Kota Kinabalu as our backdrop, James opened the Word for us in the morning. The breeze, the dew, the landscape of highlands Kundangsan brought us close to nature and to God. We watched movie together and drew biblical lessons from it. We are not just satisfied with good food, we were feed with spiritual food. This wonderful couple's friendship has added meaning into this trip.

I am thankful to have Matthew with me. I truly enjoyed the intimacy and time with him. One morning, we were affirming our spouse as we reflected on Book of Ephesians. It was the most memorial time I had, sitting there, loved and affirmed by my husband. We celebrated our changes and our growth in Him. And reminded ourselves again our marriage core values, "Stubborn Love, Persistent Honour'. It was a great time to rekindle and glow in our love for God and for each other.

Nothing compares to just sitting alone with God, enjoying a cup of hot coffee in the cool climate at Kinabalu Pine Resort, a highland town of Kundasang, atop the foothills of Mt Kota Kinabalu. It offers magicient view of Mt Kinabalu from the vantage point of my room. With the bible by my side and praises on my lips, I cannot but to praise Him with this song, "Shout to the Lord". His creation reminds me of His majesty and what an awesome God I have. So close to Him. So desiring for Him. So hungry for Him.

It was a holiday that marks "One of a kind'. I am thankful and blessed with relationships. My relationship with my Creator, the One and Only that I adore. My relationship with my husband, Matthew, who loves me for who I am. My relationship with James and Jennifer, whom we shared friendship in a fun and meaningful way. And my friends back in KK, Sabah. You modeled and practiced hospitality in His love.

I am learning much and have grown much.

Walking in Faith Everyday

I always had a hard time really trying to understand this verse in Heb 11:4 "By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.

"Why would God consider Abel offfered a better sacrifice? Some suggested that is because Abel offered a blood sacrifice whereas Cain did not. However, I am not really certain about this interpretation. When this event took place, the Law of Moses is not in placed yet. Besides, in Book of Leviticus, both the blood offerings and grain offerings are both acceptable to the Lord.

Both Abel and Cain gave, and it is legitimate for them to give out of their occupations (I believe that is why their occupations were mentioned). Therefore, it seems rightful for Cain to offer the fruit of the ground. It was never mentioned that Abel gave more than Cain. I believe both gave the right portions then. If this is the case, then why would the scripture says,"By faith, Abel offered a better sacrifice than Cain did." In this Tikam Tikam Faith Series, I realise the answer I am looking for.

The foundation of faith is a Person and that is our Lord Jesus Christ. It is clear to me that the scripture mention, "By faith, Abel offered..."
Abel understood - it is not about the size of his faith, it is all about the source of his faith. Abel understood - it is not about what he had offered and the portion of his offering, it is about the Faithful One. Abel understood - it is not about getting God to do what he wants, it is about what He wants us to do.

I understood therefore, it is a story of Two Hearts, Two Devotions. Cain gave out of legalism and obligation. Abel gave out of a heart of Faith.

Abel knew Who God is and he offered out of faith.Encoh knew Who God is and he walked with God. Noah knew who God is and he built an ark. "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (Heb 11:6) Therefore, to please God, I need to walk in faith.

If I want to please my God everyday, and my faith is needed to please Him. Then, am I growing in my knowledge of knowing Who He is, for this pleases Him?
Am I then, walking in faith Everyday?Or just somedays? Or in winter seasons?

Two big take for me:
1) Walking in faith everyday, growning in the knowledge of Who He is, for this pleases my God.

2) Greater Surrender = Greater Faith (and NOT) Greater Faith = Greater Surrender

A everyday challenge to walk in greater absolute surrender.

Faith begins with God, and ends with God.

Woman In Love

"I have loved with you with an everlasting love." (Jeremiah 31:3)

I love to ask my husband this question and never grew tired of asking, "Do you love me?" Can you identify with me.

A woman becomes beautiful when when she knows she is loved. Cut off from love, rejected and no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower, without water. The radiance of her countenance goes out, especially when she is hurt, wounded, betrayed...

The same woman becomes unengaging lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart becomes alive. As a woman (and it doesn't matter how old we are), we longed to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our feminity. We longed for love and romance. We are wired up for it and that way. It is what we make our hearts alive.

I am like any other ordinary woman. The need to be loved, to be pursued, to be romanced. But I also know. A large part of it was smeared, wounded and still bleeding. The heart cries out for it, and unbearable at times. There is a deep desire daily to be loved and accepted, as a woman. The truth is, even our beloved husband or children could really meet that need. Somewhere deep inside us, we know this. But we might never really know. This doesn't need to wait for a man.

Years ago, one night. I was sitting all alone by myself on my sofa. A deep desire for someone to really understand me, loved me and accept me of who I am. I remembered saying these words, "I am lonely....can You come and sit with me for awhile? Do You love me?" I heard a whispering gentle voice spoke into my spirit, "I have loved you with an everlasting love."

I could never forget that gribbing moments. These words, penetrates my heart in a new and deep way. The God who knows my every thought and intention, sees my failure and my sin - loves me. N,o, not that kind of love that has to tolerate me, or the religious way of saying, "God loves me.", neither He has no choice to.
No...He loves me. He loves me as a Lover do.

My relationship with God has been expressed through a number of metaphors. He is my Potter. I am the clay. I am His sheep. He is my Shepherd. He is the master. I am His servant. He is my Father. I am His child. Then He calls me His friend. But now, He calls me His Lover, the Bridegroom to the bride.

"You shall no longer be termed Forsaken. Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate. But you shall called Hephzibah (My Delight is in Her), and your land Beulah (married); for the Lord delights in you. And your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you. And as the bridegroom rejects over the bride, so shal your god rejoice over you." (Isaiah 62:4-5)

There are some things that captivates my heart. The wandering clouds that fills the whole blue sky. The gentle breeze that sends warmth inside my heart. The voice of the grashing waves rushing to shores. The calm, serene and quiet whispers of the night. A smoothing piece of music and a good book to read and relax with. Every song I love, every memory I cherished, every moments that had moved me to tears and laughter - was given to me by the One who has been pursuing me from my first breath in order to win my heart. To remind me, He is there. To heal, to restore all that was stolen, all that was lost and broken.

God's version of a lover's love of flowers, candlenight dinners, romantic outings, comes in the form of a sunset, moonlight, breezy wind, smell of freshness and gardens, and even that piece of music and that book. He has done this for me more times than I could ever count. It is my name that He is calling. No longer the 'forsaken one.' Neither the 'desolate one', but 'Hephzibah', the one I delight in. The one He loves, the one He pursues.

The thought of it moved me to tears. My heart was gribbing an intense of wanting, desiring for an intimacy with Him, the Lover of my Soul. Being with Him, I am so secured, so safe, fulfilled. Just as I have desired for Him. He desired for me. He wants to be loved too. Yes, He wants my obedience, but only when it flows out of worship for Him. Worship that gives my heart away, to Him alone.

He wants my deep heart, that centre place within that is the truest me. He wants intimacy with the real me. Not the woman that I suppose to be, but the real me. He wants to share this life with me, to share in the days and decisions, my desires and my disappointments. In those moments when I am distracted and detouring, He has His gentle way.

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.: (Hosea 2:6-7)

He often takes me aside from every source of comfort so that He alone can have my heart's attention. "Therefore I am going to allure her. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." (Hosea 2:14). It is at these moments that I begin to experience Him as the pursurer of my heart, my Lover. And it is only then, I am entering the chamber only I can enter, bringing my heart to the heart of Jesus.

The desire to be deeped loved, passionately pursued lies in my heart and in the hearts of every women. It is just heart-wrenching to say, "The story of my life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of my heart by the One who know me best and loves me most." Some said, "To be spiritual is to be disciplined." "To be spiritual is to be busy."...and the list goes on and on.

As for me, "To be spiritual is to be deeply in love with my Lover."
And it is every women desire to ~ be loved and love by the Lover of our Soul.