Woman In Love

"I have loved with you with an everlasting love." (Jeremiah 31:3)

I love to ask my husband this question and never grew tired of asking, "Do you love me?" Can you identify with me.

A woman becomes beautiful when when she knows she is loved. Cut off from love, rejected and no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower, without water. The radiance of her countenance goes out, especially when she is hurt, wounded, betrayed...

The same woman becomes unengaging lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart becomes alive. As a woman (and it doesn't matter how old we are), we longed to be loved in a certain way, a way unique to our feminity. We longed for love and romance. We are wired up for it and that way. It is what we make our hearts alive.

I am like any other ordinary woman. The need to be loved, to be pursued, to be romanced. But I also know. A large part of it was smeared, wounded and still bleeding. The heart cries out for it, and unbearable at times. There is a deep desire daily to be loved and accepted, as a woman. The truth is, even our beloved husband or children could really meet that need. Somewhere deep inside us, we know this. But we might never really know. This doesn't need to wait for a man.

Years ago, one night. I was sitting all alone by myself on my sofa. A deep desire for someone to really understand me, loved me and accept me of who I am. I remembered saying these words, "I am lonely....can You come and sit with me for awhile? Do You love me?" I heard a whispering gentle voice spoke into my spirit, "I have loved you with an everlasting love."

I could never forget that gribbing moments. These words, penetrates my heart in a new and deep way. The God who knows my every thought and intention, sees my failure and my sin - loves me. N,o, not that kind of love that has to tolerate me, or the religious way of saying, "God loves me.", neither He has no choice to.
No...He loves me. He loves me as a Lover do.

My relationship with God has been expressed through a number of metaphors. He is my Potter. I am the clay. I am His sheep. He is my Shepherd. He is the master. I am His servant. He is my Father. I am His child. Then He calls me His friend. But now, He calls me His Lover, the Bridegroom to the bride.

"You shall no longer be termed Forsaken. Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate. But you shall called Hephzibah (My Delight is in Her), and your land Beulah (married); for the Lord delights in you. And your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you. And as the bridegroom rejects over the bride, so shal your god rejoice over you." (Isaiah 62:4-5)

There are some things that captivates my heart. The wandering clouds that fills the whole blue sky. The gentle breeze that sends warmth inside my heart. The voice of the grashing waves rushing to shores. The calm, serene and quiet whispers of the night. A smoothing piece of music and a good book to read and relax with. Every song I love, every memory I cherished, every moments that had moved me to tears and laughter - was given to me by the One who has been pursuing me from my first breath in order to win my heart. To remind me, He is there. To heal, to restore all that was stolen, all that was lost and broken.

God's version of a lover's love of flowers, candlenight dinners, romantic outings, comes in the form of a sunset, moonlight, breezy wind, smell of freshness and gardens, and even that piece of music and that book. He has done this for me more times than I could ever count. It is my name that He is calling. No longer the 'forsaken one.' Neither the 'desolate one', but 'Hephzibah', the one I delight in. The one He loves, the one He pursues.

The thought of it moved me to tears. My heart was gribbing an intense of wanting, desiring for an intimacy with Him, the Lover of my Soul. Being with Him, I am so secured, so safe, fulfilled. Just as I have desired for Him. He desired for me. He wants to be loved too. Yes, He wants my obedience, but only when it flows out of worship for Him. Worship that gives my heart away, to Him alone.

He wants my deep heart, that centre place within that is the truest me. He wants intimacy with the real me. Not the woman that I suppose to be, but the real me. He wants to share this life with me, to share in the days and decisions, my desires and my disappointments. In those moments when I am distracted and detouring, He has His gentle way.

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.: (Hosea 2:6-7)

He often takes me aside from every source of comfort so that He alone can have my heart's attention. "Therefore I am going to allure her. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." (Hosea 2:14). It is at these moments that I begin to experience Him as the pursurer of my heart, my Lover. And it is only then, I am entering the chamber only I can enter, bringing my heart to the heart of Jesus.

The desire to be deeped loved, passionately pursued lies in my heart and in the hearts of every women. It is just heart-wrenching to say, "The story of my life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of my heart by the One who know me best and loves me most." Some said, "To be spiritual is to be disciplined." "To be spiritual is to be busy."...and the list goes on and on.

As for me, "To be spiritual is to be deeply in love with my Lover."
And it is every women desire to ~ be loved and love by the Lover of our Soul.