Ending 2009...Heading 2010 (Part 1)

"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:3)

I cannot stop growing in age, in wrinkles (deferred please), white hair and I can't control these areas. However, there are areas that I can have a direct decision on. Quoting from Senior Pastor, "Our destiny is determined by daily decisions." There are some decisions and habits I have to made and change in order to accomplish and see growth there.

I thought of penning it down the practical things I want to see change and growth other than the principles. It would be great to revisit them again on Dec 2010.

1st D: Developmental Life

1) Cooking

I have been able to only cook once a week in Year 2009. I hope to set priority time to learn more cooking recipes. A neatly laid table with home cooked food has been a language of love for Matthew and Cleff. To increase to 2 times per week at least and learn 5 new recipes.

2) Cross-Stitch

One of my favourite pass time is sitting at my corner and complete a whole 'masterpiece' of cross stitch. By Dec 2010, my 'Fruitfulness' masterpiece to be completed.

3) Reading
I love to read. I tend to gear only towards Christian literature. In year 2009, I started to read secular books and more on leadership. I rejoiced having completed my reading goal of at least 20 books in year 09. I hope to achieve 30 books by year 2010 and widen my scope of reading literature.

4) Studying
Year 2009, I only managed to complete 2 books study on my own - Hebrews and Ecclesiastes. Year 2010, I purposed to complete 3 books study - Joshua, Acts and Sermon on the Mount.

5) Exercise
Since Year 2008, I had stopping going to the gym and changed to 'irregular exercises' schedule. Next year I had to slot in intentional exercise time. Prefer walking and twice a week. Hope to pick up pilates.

2nd D: Domestic Life
1) With Matthew

Year 2009 was fruitful for us as a couple. It had been years that we had not been traveling together for holidays. This year, we intentional set time for our personal 'getaway holidays'. Went to Sabah KK at Pine Tree Restort, Mt KK National Park on March. We made a short 3 days trip to KL for shopping and food. Tomorrow evening, I will be in Sandakan Sabah till 31st Dec. Wow! Looking forward. These holidays trips has given us purposeful dialogues, doing things together, longer prayer time and just plain pleasures and enjoying each other presence.

Year 2010, already planned a 'surprise' holidays for him at Cameron Highlands on his birthday. Two short additional KL trips for food and shopping. And one year end holidays at Sarawak.

Matthew will be celebrating his 55th Birthday next year. A day to remember God, give thanks and re-commit our lives together as a couple.

Our core values for our marriage - "Stubborn Love; Persistent Honour' (1 Cor 13)

God gave me a verse as I prayed for our marriage in the years ahead:
"But thanks be to God, who always lead us in triumphal possession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him."(2 Cor 2:14)

I always remembered: "Our marriage is to glory God always, not to make us happy"

2) With Cleff

Cleff turned 21st on 14th Dec. His 'teenager' grin and look in his facial expression had long disappeared. Instead, there is an addition touch of maturity and 'young man look'. Cleff has grown not only in his physics, he had grown in his maturity, his perspectives, mindset and values. It is a good change. No longer that little boy who needs 'mum' all the time; or the teenager who rejects all mum says. He's now a young man.

A mum's heart for her son is to see him turning completely and devotedly to follow Jesus. A mum's prayers that he will be a God-fearing man and live godly values. I am trusting God for this as He is my faithful God.

Cleff thanked me on his birthday that I had parented him with values that somehow 'became his values and convictions." When asked how am I going to journey with him for the next 5 years, my answer to him was, "To see you building a godly family." Yes, I am already in the embarking journey of praying, coaching and journeying with him to have a godly 'BGR' relationship. All thanks to my SP who had been modeling and teaching us in this area.

Cleff found his passion in horse-training as a career and will be studying in Melbourne after year 2010. It's my desire to see him and help him to grow as a man who is disciplined and standing with strong convictions and values wherever he is.

One of my goal is to have a holiday with my son in year 2010. Either Taiwan, Bangkok, Sabah or China.

As I summed up, I cannot helped but remembered this verse in 1 Sam 1:28,
"So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord."
My verse to the Lord the day He 'returned' my son back to me, and it still stands today.

3) My Home

I want to change the look of my sitting room. Planning to have a new set of sofa. And have my house painted by Dec 2010.

Matthew and I have agreed to learn to practice hospitality more this year. We are going to invite 3 people/couples to our home for a home cooked meal.

...to be continued

My Memories of Joseph Lee 大哥

Months ago, I watched a Japanese movie entitled 'Departure'. It was a good reflective movie about death particularly. I liked that word 'Departure' and I told myself - I would like to use this word, 'Departure' for the next funeral that I am conducting. Don't get me wrong. I always believe it is an honour for me to send someone Home. And it is a glorious moment for someone who knows and love the Lord to be home.

Joseph Lee, whom we dearly called him as 大哥 had gone home on 22nd Nov 09. 大哥 is one person that had left many footprints in many hearts. I remembered I used this verse on 2 Tim 4:6 "The time had come for my departure." he left home with assurance and confidence, knowing where HOME is.

Cancer came silently and aggressively to steal away Joseph's health. His body weakened from day to day. He soon lost his physical strength, his appetite, his hair and his ability to move around and his love to cook. There were other things that this disease stole from Joseph in his final months of his life. But there are 3 things I see that couldn't be stolen from this man. His faith, his hope and his love.

Joseph's illness couldn't steal away his faith. He knew that nothing can separate him from the love of God. More than anything else, without a living and true relationship with his Saviour, there is no hope of heaven and eternal life. He believe that the Lord came to take the sin of the world including his. He believe in the great promise of John 3:16. Joseph's life revolved around this promise and he was never in a place of doubt that his God is faithful. In my last visit to his place, he told me this, "Lili, I have Jesus in my heart. I believe He will walk with me till the end of my last breath here. 莉莉, 我心中有耶稣, 我有信心耶稣会陪我走完我这一生” . Joseph committed his life to Jesus till the end of his days.

Joseph's illness couldn't steal away his hope. I used to say this, "The scariest thing on earth is not death, but hopelessness. 人生最可怕的, 不是死亡, 而是绝望. " For the suffering and the sick, the most difficult and challenging thing to do is to uphold Hope. However, for a believer in Christ and for those who have faith, hope is the promise of things to come.

While Joseph was suffering from cancer, there was hope in his life. The belief in a promise of something greater. Joseph knew the assurance of eternal life in heaven. He knew that there was a day coming when he would be ushered into the presence of God and He would take him into his new home. We take comfort knowing that Joseph’s hope was not in vain. God has fulfilled His promise in his life and he had received his commendation, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Joseph's illness couldn't steal away his love. 大哥 is a man of love. He loved the Lord, he loved his family members, his friends, his church and the lost. I hope you can hear those many stories his brothers shared about him. How he brought someone to Christ simply by a continual act of kindness. How he laid food on the dinner table as an expression of his love. How he had taken delight, knowing that people enjoyed his food. He used this special gifting to serve God in the community. In his wake, I had heard too many 'love stories of 大哥'.

As I wrote this tonight, I cherished many great and wonderful memories of 大哥. "Thank you 大哥 for teaching us to love.
* You taught me to love God despite in the seasons of pain and suffering.
* You taught me to love through simple ways, as simple as cooking a simple meal for your love ones.
* You taught me to love God and seeing the importance of sharing that love with the lost
* You taught me to love life by living life to the fullest, never allow any external circumstances to change that essence of love.

You taught me how to be a devoted follower of Jesus and fight a good fight of faith. Perserve in hope and labour in love.

I will miss you 大哥, the love of God will allow us to meet again one day.

Banquet of Honour - To Him be of Glory

The Banquet of Honour signed off an end note on 16 Nov, a glorious closing for the event, an advancing opening for greater things to come.

It was a very busy season for me and Agape staff in preparation for Banquet of Honour, yet enriching. These are some beautiful and important highlights for me:

#1) Visionary Leadership
I learned over and over again this year - Leaders live in the future. BOH helped me to understand this essential, important and needed principle for all leaders: To see and able to live in the future. Vision gives the leaders a glimpse of what the future can be. Singapore is a growing and changing country. We need to discern the times and heed the call of God as He reveals and unfolds His plan.

I saw this happened in the nation church leaders - visionary leadership.
And I desire to learn and grow this from the Lord and visionary leaders.


#2) Values and Purpose Driven
BOH is purpose-driven. Beyond the purposes, we resonate and uphold agreed-common values together. This gave us the ability to stay focus on what matters most, inspired and motivate us to overcome difficulties and obstacles. There is oneness in our spirit although the methods expressed through work is very different. Unity is beautiful.


#3) Operational Vehicles
The operational arm helps materialize the vision and dream. The practical outworkings of the BOH was intense and challenging. With many different churches involved and with different operational methods, we cannot avoid the rubbing of shoulders, conflicts and tension. Patience and honouring one another became a test but we had fair well. I admired how the team had persevere in adverse situation. Their creativity, resourcefulness and 'die-hard' attitude.


#4) They are God's VIPs
It was a tough and busy season. But all was considered worth when I saw the guests laughed heartily, eat to their hearts content; singing, dancing, making friends and let their hair down. It was a heartwarming sight. A sight that I believe would not be erased from me. Yes, they are God's VIPs. The unsung heroes of our nation. BOH marked an important milestone in our nation's social and spiritual history.


#5) God is Glorified
It glorifies God to see churches unite for a God reason. It glorifies God to see His VIPs honoured.

I remembered this scene very clearly. On the last day of the BOH, our friends from China came to me and said this, "Thank you. God is good to us." They gave glory to God, not merely men.

My heart is full. My heart is filled!

To God be of Glory!

Staff Retreat - Our Learning Journey (Pt 2)

#5) Familiarity Sets No Room for Creavity and Growth

We moved on to the Wen Chang Hainan Chicken Rice Stall. As usual, we ordered a plate of white and roast chicken with the lor bak. Upon tasting, JLJ team realised that we did not really enjoy the Chicken Rice. We have pre-concieved and expectations on what Chicken Rice should be as we compared to the Singapore style. Because of that, we realised that we are not open to new 'style', 'taste' or 'ideas'. Although tastebuds for food can be quite an individual thing, the principle we drawn is: Familiarty sets no room for growth and creativity.

#6) History is formed because of Rootings

There's new discovery in history as we ventured into the 'you tiu' stall. Mdm Chew told us that the buildings in Cintra Street existed more than a 100 years. On top of that, we also found out one unique trademarks of Cintra Street. They are mainly family business that are passed down from generations to generations. They passed down their hertiage, they passed down their traditions and they passed down their skills. It is possible to trace history and see history when one puts their foot and rootings in the land. I used to stay at the old Singapore Chinatown 5-foot way. I believe I clearly missed that touch of history and rootings. We recalled back Agape and Pek Kio. Because of our intentionally and purposeful rootings in the land and church, we rejoice over a history and celebrates because of the future.

#7) Success is dependable if it is passed to the Next Generation

The next stop is a total contrast. We went back to the Kee Cake Shop when Candy alerted us to take photos of the baking process of the Pepper Biscuits. We met this Mr Loh who is also the 3rd generation to the family business. However, his perspective is totally different from the Mr Lim of the Chicken Rice Stall, or Mdm Chew of the 'you tiu' business. He had decided to wind up the business as he does not intend to pass the business and skill to his son. He had different views about passing a family skill and hertiage. Unable to catch up with the technology of times and the demands of a fast growing pace society, he decided upon the best thing to do is to end the whole trade and move on. I asked if he felt any emotional and sentimentals attachment, his answer to me. "I have to put food on the table." We left the place feeling a little different from the rest, maybe a sense of loss.

Andy Stanley quoted this, "When your memories exceed your dreams, the end is near." Unless and until we see success in the next generation, we are never really successful. It reminded us of what Ps Edmund mentioned in the IDMC - "If one generation neglects, the next generation rejects."

#8) An Effective Team Knows their Priorities and Enjoy the Team

By the time we were at the hawker stall selling hakka yong toufu, the JLJ somehow knew, we were among one of the last teams. Yet there was no strife, fretfulness and the compeling need to win the race. Yes, we want to complete the race and complete it well. We want to connect with people, not just the food. We want to enjoy what we are doing, and enjoying each other. I believe this is one of the reasons why we were stripped of the stress to win. Adding to that, the team needs to know our values, our purposes and our priorities. This make us effective and an enjoyable team. We began to appreciate the adverse personalities in the team and our differences. We are developing into a better team. We allow JJ to lead, Jess to take the backstage and me to connect. We are relaxed at who we are without compromising our functional roles. Chemistry matters too.

#9) Someone must pay the price of Paving the way

Our last stopped is at the Kuih Nonya Moh Teng family business. We met Mrs Mook who is so willingly to share her skills and her family status. I asked if the business was inherited from her father or her father-in-law. We dicovered that both families were in the same trade of making kuihs. Mrs Mook's son is presently statiioned at KL making Mook's Pizza and are distributing to local peddlars. Mrs Mook told us that his son is keen to take the business to another step instead of just revolving around nonya kuihs. Mrs Mook concluded that her faither and in-laws paved the way for them. They paved the way for their children and allowing them to take it further. Reminded me of what John Maxwell mentioned," If I succeed without sacrifice, then it is because someone went before me made the sacrifice. If I sacrifice and do not see success, then someone who follows will reap success from my sacrifice."

#10) We Start as a Team, We End as a Team

On our way back to the destination, there was a possibility that the team was splitted because of an unforseen circumstances. However, JLJ spoke the same language even without comparing our notes - We start as a Team, we End as a Team.

Conclusion:

We came in last. But there's nothing to lose actually but more to gain.

We gain relationships within the team and the people we met

We gain perspective and broaden our scope as a team and in leadership

We gain precious lessons and principles gleaned out from the experience.

And we truly and throughly enjoy the race.

Staff Retreat - Our Learning Journey (Pt 1)

It's never a surprise to many that Agape Staff loves to eat. And what's interesting that had taken place in this Staff Retreat was to weave in makan as a food hunt race that purposed to help us to draw lessons as we functioned as team. We were divided into 5 teams with a leader appointed from SP. I belonged to the JLJ team (JJ + Lili + Jessica).

Instructions were given to start the food hunt at Cintra Street. We wanted to Win and Complete the race well with fun. This is our focus. Interesting, along the journey, we discovered that our focus and purpose (WIN) evolved. Valuable lessons and principles were gleaned as JLJ team.

#1) We can Disagree but never to Disengage

Our team didn't begin in harmony. Soon we realised we are opinionated people with individual strong views. I believe that the team needed to have a BIG picture of the race and would prefer that the 'information list' be photocopied to the team before the race start. However, my leader JJ thought that this is not essential. Jess felt the same. I decided to submit on the basis that he was my leader and this is my team. We agreed to agree upon on the 1st Principle gleaned - ** We can Disagree but never to Disengage.

#2) Values Driven and not Just Purpose-Driven

We only know how to use the right 'terms' to describe this principle after the race when SP highlighted it in one of our sharing. On our way out to look for a taxi, we saw another team boarding a taxi. JJ was quick to comment this, "Snatch their cab". I knew JJ was joking but in our discussion, we began to ask ourselves, "Do we really want to win? If so, we do not really need any moral rules unless stated as our purpose is to WIN." With that, we arrived at what's Negoitables and Non-Negoitables. Values are non-negoitables and Policies are negoitables. So photocopy or not - this is a non-negoitable issue. We also realised that unless we have the right and God values, we will become what our 'leader' called us to be. (also the Priinciple #1 to allow this to happen)

#3) People are more Important than Programmes

At our 1st stop @ the famous Bak Chang stall, we got to know this owner, Miss Tan. She is so friendly and pleasant. We strike off a conversation immediately. We tried the different types of bak chang and red bean soup. We took photos and we talked. Ms Tan was so excited that she asked me if I am keen to see their speciality. Holding my hands, she brought me to see this very BIG bak chang and started to explain their speciality. She offered to bring it out to my team and showed it to the other team as well. Because of this Big bak chang, we were connected in hearts. Before we left, she offered to tell us that the Curry Chee Cheong Fun stall was not opened today. At this point, JLJ decided to add this into our WIN: People are not less important than the Task. Our attraction are the People instead of the food and the race, and it must be done intentionally. We altered our WIN.

#4) A Healthy Team Grows Together and Help others Grow.

We always knew this principle from our heads, but this race awakened us to move this right into our hearts. We make a mistake and moved on to a cafe name 'Da Tong' instead of a hawaker stall. Upon our arrival, we saw 2 teams there. We felt the tension and pressure hitting us immediately. One of the team actually tried to 'shoo' us away (which I thought is human sense to do that). We felt uncomfortable and uneasy. We don't like the feeling. At that point, JLJ team agreed upon - "Let's walk in the opposite direction. We will remove turf mentality and be friendly and helpful to other teams." We took time to know the waitress and conversed with them. We saw Candy + Ros walking in. We decided to ask the ladies to join us at the same table. It was a different atmosphere indeed.

We walked out blessing the aunties with 3 MUST - Peace + Health + Good Business ...

to be continued

I am a Sheep - I need to Lie Down

"The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not want, He makes me lie down in green pastures." (Psalm 23:1-2a)

Psalm 23. A Psalm that is so familiar with many and her familiarity had caused many readers to be stuck in old pastures. I found myself to be one of those until recently.

In order to deliver Psalm 23 to the Chinese congregation, I had been reading alot about sheep. Surf the net for pictures, watching documentary movies on sheep. Added to that, the pastoral staff had a time of 'Pulpit Dialogue' weekly and we studied Psalm 23 together. It was a season of study that I truly enjoyed to the fullest. Re-learning under the feet of my Shepherd.

One of my favourite word in Psalm 23 is 'lie down'. And the beautiful part is, HE makes me lie down. Strange? Why can't I lie down myself?

Last Friday, I had my mentoring session with my mentor. One question that we asked ourselves is, "What do you wake up for each morning? What keeps you awake at night?" To be able to lie down and sleep is grace. To stay awake in the night with a heavy heart is killing. Agony and anxiety could cause one refused to lie down.

David understood that. In Psalm 3, he sang "I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the LORD substained me." At that point of writing that Psalm 3, he was fleeding from Absalom his son. Psalm 23 was also penned near that season of his fleeding. Danger; anxiety, agony, pain, exhaustion, depression hit him hard and bad. How could a man that faces all these at his worst point of his life able to write such a beautiful Psalm 23, verse 2a "He makes me lie down in green pastures?"

Life is full of hazards. No one can tell what a day will produce in new troubles. We either live in a sense of anxiety or in a sense of quiet rest. Which do I carry?

In nature, sheep could never lie down by itself unless it is freed from 4 main situations - Freed from Fear of predators; Freed from Friction within the flock; Freed from Famine of a lacking of food and Freed from Flies that spreads contagious disease and nest their eggs on their nasal. Take a closer look. The sheep can never get rid of all these 'Freed from' situations with any efforts of their own. They need to be dependent on a good shepherd.

Today, I sat down and penned down all my fears, the legimate and also unfounded ones. The list goes on like - Fear of losing my son to the world. Fear of returned sickness. Fear of not able to stay till the end in my relationships. Fear of losing hunger for God. Fear of saying "I don't know' to my team. Fear of leading my team in uncertainity. Fear of losing passion and zeal.

One of the reason that the sheep can lie down is when their shepherd is near and around. His presence marks a huge significant and change in the behaviour of the sheep.

I am a sheep and I need the Shepherd to make me lie down.

His presence makes me lie down. Knowing Him as my Good Shepherd, all ready to chase away all my fears and attacks, I simply lie down.

This is so close and personal. The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

Creative Teaching

I love to teach. It doesn't really matter if I am teaching to young kids, older folks or a heartlander. I simply love doing it. And to be able to teach the Word of God is really an honour, a privilege, a calling for me.

I started off teaching in Agapeland. Great days teaching the kids the Word of God. I need to study, think of object lessons, using games and ice breakers, and anything that would help me convey the main message to the kids. And the amazing surprise bouns is: Sometimes when I thought I taught them, God has used them to teach me valuable lessons in return. I enjoy teaching. I enjoy them.

I moved on to teaching and preaching to the youth, then the Chinese congregation. Sometimes, God place me in situations where teaching the Word of God happens in conversation exchange, counseling moments and heart to heart talks. I enjoyed every moment. I learn and grow from these moments.

Recently, my SP started a series on "Stay Till the End'. Throughout the four series, he had been exploring new ways of conveying the main message across to the congregation. Using puppets, signboards, objects illustration, media aids...anything that would enhance and drive the message across and stays deep in our hearts. Wow, it was so powerful and it has a retaining power too.

He always taught us to remember to keep things to the irreductible minimums. And he demonstrated it. In his recent blog, he mentioned about the need to keep things simple and to inject the element of surprise in our preaching. I practice that more often in my preaching and teaching recently. And guess what, I saw the glitter and sparkle in the congregation eyes. They understood, they remembered, they lived up to it because it is actually simple.

As for me. He inspired me to teach and preach with a new fire of glow and grow. He inspired me to expand my creativity and use my brains more than often. I am growing with my congregation.

I had never love teaching and preaching that much as now. I learn from my mentor. I pray the same for my mentees too. It's time to impart, to pass on and share this with the Chinese Church preachers.

Making Love a Verb

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of all these is love." (1 Cor 13:13)

Someone once said this, "You can do and give without love. But you cannot love and not do or give anything." I believe this to be so true.

The church started a new series, "Stay till the End", a series on finding out the blueprint for lasting relationships. The question that starts off this series is, "What is the ONE thing that you need to be able to stay till the end in any relationships?" I thought it is faithfulness. Not wrong maybe, but not complete. Come to think of it. It is possible for anyone to remain faithful in any relationships and stay till the end. But it is still incomplete. Maybe, the answer is commitment. Many relationships survived through commitment too, but still incomplete. Incomplete because it has a missing element. The very basic foundation of what every relationships should be. LOVE. And to love one another. (John 13:34-35)

It is no longer alright to remain in the same status quo. Surviving in a relationship. We are called to enjoy and live in the fullest and fullness of every relationship. And if I am at a survival stage, I need to feel uncomfortable. I need to come in terms to realise that this is not of God. No wonder 1 Cor 13:13 calls for love to be the greatest among all three. Something in us have died if we remain hopeful and faithful, but empty of love.

It is a choice to make and it doesn't comes easy, especially when relationships has been laid off to survival stage for many countless days. I am reminded of my core values for my marriage and my family. "Stubborn Love, Persistent Honour." To put oneself before the other is a very difficult choice and thing to do. Even if that person is someone close to your heart. Usually, it is not the big things that comes my way that my core values are tested, but the small and insignificant ones. As simple as, "Will I put down my laptop and boil lemon grass juice for my husband." "Will I watch Transformers 2 with my husband/son even though I seriously have no taste for it?"

The worst spot to ever find myself in is when God puts you there to test and try you through until you get it. Learning to say and do "YOU FIRST" is hard. Many times, I do not feel like doing it, or think I should be the first to do it. The going gets tougher and tougher when the result is not what I expected - Appreciation. Next, God will show up to say, "Do it unto me, even if there is no return. Do it until it pains you, bleeds you, cuts you and it costs you."

I learn and is still learning and growing. I am no good at it but I sincerely wanting to do it. It is painful to think that I am in a relationship that has all it takes - loyality, faithfulness, commitment, obligations, responsibilities, (It is good attributes and values) except LOVE. That is probably why 1 Cor 13:13 stands out.

And the amazing thing is, when I start to want it and do it. I grow in it. I grow in love. And it is not just about the feelings of love, but love for love alone. I began to make lemon grass juice out of love. I watch 'Transformers 2' out of love. It rekindles the spark and fire in my relationships. I learn to ask this question intentionally, "What is the most loving thing I can do for my husband/son?" It's no longer a chore, a burden, a drag. It comes out from a heart that is alive. And it started by making a decision to make love a verb. (as what was preached in Sunday message).

As I reflect Sunday message, I am reminded what I read in Bill Hull book, "The Complete Book of Discipleship" (Pg 139 to 142) base on John 13:34-35

"A new command I give you." This command raises the stakes of love. It means more than "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It means more than turning the other cheek, forgiving someone who hurt you, or blessing those who curse you. Jesus asks us to do the impossible: to love other people until they 'get it.' Jesus reveals a new standard in His new commandment. He commands us to love others until it shatters defenses, brings down strongholds, tears apart barriers, and even slips through the firwalls of culture. This is the revoluation that Jesus calls His disciples to, and it requires sacrifical living.

A discipleship question that I have to ask myself all the time, "Am I loving Jesus enough to be willing to do it just for Jesus."

Careful Obedience

"Lord, I knew you to be a hard man" (Matthew 25:24)

What's the difference between Desire and Devotion? Does it have a link and is it co-related?

Webster dictionary defines Devotion as commitment to some purposes or feelings of ardent love. Desire is define as the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state.

We can stay desiring something but without a devotion to pursue and stay on. And we can be devoted to something without desiring it any more. How do I bring a balancing between the two?

In all relationships, one cannot live without the other. What's more is my relationship with my Creator. There's a call to increase more day by day in desiring Him and devoting myself to Him.

As I read Matthew 25:14-10 again about the three servants who were entrusted with large sum of money by the master. The reply of the third servant was one that not only protrayed his irresponsibility and pushing blame, but he truly does not know his master. He was a careful man, but it was his carefulness that displeased his master. He probably has the desires to invest. Sadly his carefullness had preceded his desires.

Carefulness does not usually carry a tone of negativism. In fact, we were instructed to take careful steps and consideration since we were young. How could this carefulness be so displeasing to the master? The third servant sees his master as a hard man where the other had not seen it that way. The other two servants knew their master, but not the third one. He does not know his master. He does not trust his master's heart. Neither does he knows his master's heart.

The issue isn't the capital gains. It is not what we think of God. The third servant buried his master's desires. he buried his own desire. Self-interest is in his heart. Self has became his own master. His obedience is not so much out of love as it is out of carefulness. The third servant's act looks legimate and godly to have his own desire killed. But not in this case, it is godlessness. God is not in his equation. His actions speaks the message clear.

He has blind devotion but no longer any burning desire. His thirst to thirst for more had ceased. In his belief, his master was a hard man. Nothing reveals more clearly as what he does with his desire.

What do I do with my desire? Do I know my Master as in Knowing Him? What's does He desires? Does my action reflected what I believed and truly desired? If my heart is not is His heart of desires, my devotion would be just a series of empty devotions.

I Fear

I fear adventure. I so feared it because I am caught in those highs and lows, fast and rapid that I can easily lost knowing why I am in the adventure. I fear adventure because I enjoyed it too much for it's plain enjoyment and missed the listening points along the way. I feared adventure because I am naturally good at it and I have myself to praise. I fear adventure because I find myself yearning for adventure alone. I fear it because I can gained the adventure but lost my spirit.

These weeks have been tight, tensed, fast going and tough for me. There are transitions I need to take at home front. Meetings and deadlines to respect. Preaching and teaching to prepare. Listening ear to lend. Relationships to build and deepen. Teams and ministries to lead.

I embrace all these too well that I am fearful of leaving too little time to process. I am afraid of achieving the objectives and arrived on time and on the right spot, but find having little to give thanks. I can be right but sincerely right about the wrong things I am embarking. And I am afraid of being afraid.

I recognised there's only one adventure I need to embark. Intentionally - The adventure of searching my heart. Slotting this only adventure into all adventures.

The tide is fast. The waves are rapid. The currents are strong. The winds are beating. My boat is still and serene.

The adventure of searching my heart in Him. I feared it but I loved it most.

DAY 12: The Art of Ending (Part 2)

In 1 Kings 19, the prophet Elijah recruits his replacement. Verse 21 says Elisa "took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them." He "burned his ploughing equipment" and "set out to follow Elijah and became hsi attendant." One thing is for sure: Elisha wasn't going back to farming! He slaughtered his oxen and burned his ploughing equipment. Elisha burned a bridge - going back to his old way of life was not an option. Like the old song says, "I have decided to follow Jess, no turning back, no turning back."

Acts 19 records another instance of "pryo-discipleship." It says "A number who had practiced sorcery brought their scrolls together and burned them publicly. When they calculated the value of the scrolls, the total came to fifty-thousand drachmas." This ritual brought closure to a chapter of their lives in dramatic fashion.

Sometimes we need to take extreme measures to avoid temptation. That's what these disciples did in Acts 19. They built a bonfire and burned the source of temptation.

I remembered one time several years back when a new believer confessed some sin issues to me and then invited me over to his house and together, we filled three garbage bags with CDs and videos and magazines. Not all of them were sinful in and of themselves, but they were a source of temptation. Part of moving on is not allowing ourselves the abililty to go back.

In the word of aviation, the point of no return is the critical point in the flight where remaining fuel is insufficient for a return to the departure point. Sometimes we need to burn a plough or burn a book or burn a bridge so we can move on.

(Adapted from Senior Pastot Guna Raman devotion "Managing Transitions in a Downturn")

DAY 11: The Art of Ending (Part 1)

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, "Great is the art of belonging, but greater is the art of ending." Transitions are all about ending one chapter in our lives, whether we like it or not, and beginning a new chapter. How do we bring closure? How do we exit a season in life? How do we move on?

How do you move on when your spouse hands you divorce papers or a boss hands you a retrenchment letter? How do you move on when your kids grow up and find their own lives? How do you move on when a loved one dies? I don't think there are any easy answers to those questions, but what I do know is that it is a process. Whenever we experience loss - whether it's a relationship or a job or a dream - we go through a grieving process. That's normal and healthy. God has created us with tear ducts. Ecclesiastes 3 says there is 'a time to weep.'

I've always been intrigued by Joshua 5:9. It says, "Today I have rolled away the reproach of Egypt from you." This is forty years after their exodus out of Egypt. It was a process. It took one night to get Israel out of Egypt. It took forty years to get Egypt out of Israel.

I have often heard of guys who resigned their job and went to work for a competitor, but they didn't burn any bridges. Then later that company recruits them back several years later. How you exit a situation - whether you're ending a dating relationship, quitting a job, or leaving a church - speaks volumes about you. Sometimes you need to leave an open door.

1 Corinthians 7:10 says, "A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else br reconciled." In other words, in some circumstances, we need to leave the door open for reconciliation. In other circumstances, we are free to close the door. 1 Corinthians 7:15 says, "If the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances."

Sometimes we need to leave an open door. Sometimes we need to burn bridges. There are two great examples in Scripture - one in the Old Testament and one in the New Testament.

(adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman devotion "Managing Transitions in a Downturn")

DAY 10: Be Still (Part 2)

Psalm 37 says, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." Psalm 46 says, "Be still and know that I am God." Zechariah 2:13 says, "Be still before the Lord, all mankind."

It's one thing to read Exodus 14:14 from the comfortable confines of your computer seveal thousand years after the fact, but put yourself in their shoes. The Egyptian army is breathing down your neck. You see the giant dust cliud from their chariots. You hear their war cry. What's the toughest thing to do in a situation like that? The toughest thing is to "be still." But that's exactly what the Lord tells them to do. It was a trust test. Are the Israelites going to take matters into their own hands and fight for themselves? Or are they going to be still and let God fight for them?

Let me bring it a little closer to home because most of us will never experience the Egyptian army breathing down our necks. But we might have a boss who breaths down our neck. And most marriages experience a few dust clouds and war cries. What do we do when we're stuck, we're being attacked on one side and it seems like there is no way out because we've got a Red Sea on the other side?

I think there is a time for negiotiating and planning and analyzing. There is a place spreadsheets and strategic plans. But there is also a time to "be still" and "let God fight for you."

Romans 12:19 says, "Leave room for God." The immediate context is retribution. When someone attacks you, don't try to even the score. That doesn't mean we don't set the record straight if we're able to do it. That doesn't mean we don't defend ourselves if we can. It just means we don't seek revenge. We leave room for God. We watch Him fight for us.

I've learned that there are times when you need to stop trying to figure everything out, stop trying to negotiate, stop trying to pull strings, stop trying to take matters in our own hands, stop trying to do things in our own strength and leave room for God.

Over the past several days, I have prayed for a dear friend who was trying to buyout a local company. He spent months analyzing and negiotating. It was a long and arduous ordeal and then he hit a wall. It seemed like a dead deal. In fact, I remember literally burying it in prayer. We prayed, "Lord, it's in your hands. You're in the resurrection business. If you want to raise this thing from the dead, you can do it." That's exactly what happened this week. I got the log awaited call from him finally. The deal was resurrected. Sometimes we need to bury things. We need to let go. My friend could have continued to negotiate and analyze and strategize, but I don't think it would have done any good. But when we "leave room for God", God fights for us!

Are you fighting too hard in managing the transitional changes in your life? Are you spending hours scrutinizing, analyzing, strategizing and planning? Would you turn to the Lord and choose to be still so that God can fight for you? He s the better Fighter, right?

(Adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman devotion, "Managing Transitions in a Downturn")

DAY 9: Be Still (Part 1)

Exodus 14 records one of the most significant transitions in history - Israel's exodus out of Egypt. The Israelites are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are camped at Pi Hairoth with the Red Sea on one side and an attacking Egyptian army on the other side. Exodus 14:10 says the Israelites were 'terrified' and said, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us into the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Did we say to you in Egypt. "Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert."

The Israelites assume the worst, but that's what you tend to do after being enslaved for 430 years! You develop a defeatist attitude. You feel hopeless and helpless. But hear what Moses says to the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." Then the Lord said to Moses in verse 15, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on."

A boss puts a letter on your desk. Your spouse sends divorce papers in the mail. You walk the line and get your degree. you fill out a change of address form. Those things symbolize transition - the end of one life chapter and the beginning of another. Some are welcome changes. Others are unwelcome changes. But in each instance, the question is: How do you move on?

Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." In his book, Anam Cara, John O'Donohue's tells a story about an African explorer. He hired some native Africians to help carry his equipment through the jungle and they didn't stop for three days. At the end of the third day, these hired hands stopped and absolutely refused to move on. The explorer asked why and one of the Africians natives said, "We have moved too quickly to reach here; now we need to wait to give our souls a chance to catch up with us." Most of us could say the same thing. We 've moved too quickly to get where we're at and we need to give our souls a chance to catch up.

(Adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman's devotion "Managing Transitions in a Downturn")

DAY 8: The When/Then Syndrome (Part 2)

You could be stressed out today because you're "here" when you want to be "there." You are in the "present" when you want to be in the "future." You don't like your current job. You want to be out of the company. You don't like the season you are in your life; you want something else for your life. Maybe "here" is being in a job that is below your capabilities and the prospects are few. I don't doubt that some of you have that dream and that in some cases, that dream will be fulfilled. But if you don't learn to love life then. Here's the danger we face: we focus so much on tomorrow that we never live today. Someone once said this, "It is uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living."

I think some of us have "the grass is greener on the other side" mentality. But we need to learn to live in the moment God has given us. And that's tough during times of transitions because we usually aren't where we want to be. We need to realise deeply that the present moment is all we'll ever have. Nothing ever happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen on the Now."

In Exodus 3:5 God says to Moses, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." We've heard the story so many times that the most obvious lesson is overlooked. Here it is: the 'holy ground' wasb't the Promised Land. The 'holy ground' was right where Moses was standing!

Don't be so focused on the Promised Land that you never take off your sandals and recognize that God wants you to experience Him in the "here and now". Even if you're in the middle of a transition and the ground is shifting underneath you, you're standing on holy ground.

The day you embrace today and live in it, no matter how badly you feel about it; no matter how much you think it is not where you want to be; that day you have risen above the tides of change. You have stood on your holy ground.

(adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman's devotion on "Managing Transitions in A Downturn")

DAY 7: The When/Then Syndrome (Part 1)

Stress is casued by being here, but 'wanting to be there', being in the present but wanting to be in the future. Too many of us fall into the when/then trap. We'll be happy when some arbitrary "this or that" happens. But that's not true. When/Then happiness is a mirage.

When I first started pastoring. I dreamed of a church that was impacting hundreds of people. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with that dream if it's god-given. But I think sometimes it's an ego thing. In every occupation there are comparison points. In pastoral circles the size of the church is sometimes equated with the value of pastor. The bigger the church the better you feel. The smaller the church the more insugnificant you feel.

My first year we averaged 25 people. And I remember coming to a point where I had to make a conscious decision. It was a defining moment for me. I realised that I could be unhappy until the church reached some "arbitrary" number at some "indefinite" time in the future. Or I could love pastoring a church of 25 people now. And I decided that I was going to enjoy pastoring a church of 25 and 50 and 100 and 250 and 400. And I'll continue enjoying every stage because I refuse to live in the future. I choose to live now and enjoy every today God gives me.

(Adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman devotional 'Managing Transitions in a Downturn)

DAY 6: Living One Day At A Time (Part 2)

Before we look at how to live in day-tight compartments, let me tell you the end goal. I think God wants us to be fully-present. William James said that most of us are 'half-awake.' C.S Lewis said that most of us are 'half-hearted'. In other words, most of us are 'half-alive'. Let me add one more to the mix. I think most of us are 'half-present'.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you get the feeling that they're listening but they aren't really listening? Or you're with them but it doesn't really feel like they are there? I think we know intuitively that you can be someplace physically, but be a million miles away mentally or emotionally. You aren't fully present.

I think most of us have been through a worship experience where we were 100% present - totally engaged mentally and emotionally and spiritually. But we've also sung words while thinking about something that happened last week or something that is going to happen next week. One study has shown that after you sing a song thirty times, you no longer think about the words. And we end up 'going through the motions.'

Luke 10 talks about Martha, who was getting ready for a dinner party with Jesus and it says, she was 'distracted' by all the preparations. And Jesus says to Martha., "You are worried and upset about many things."

I think most of us are hald-present because we're 'distracted' or 'worried' or 'upset' about something that has happened or might happen, instead of living one day at a time. As Jesus observed in Matthew 6:34, "Each day has enough trouble of its own." We need to take it one day at a time!

This is particularly important in a transition because we tend to be thinking about a hundred things, pulled in different directions, worried over a myraid of things that we are no longer living in the present. We are zoned out. Consequently, we stop hearing God who is always 'present'. And our family feels the distance. Worst still, if we don't find friends to unload and process and pray with us about what we are going through, we become even more isolated. We drift away.

That is why it is so important in a transition that we are rightly connected with God and with the right godly people. It helps us to be fully present to manage the change in those transitions.

(adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman devotional, "Managing Transition in a Downturn"

DAY 5: Living One Day At A Time (Part 1)

"Your strength shall be renewed day by day like morning dew." (Psalm 110:3)

One of my favourite movie scenes is Ben Stiller's pre-dinner prayer in the movie 'Meet the Parents'. He awkawrdly finished his prayer by saying, "May we see thee more clearly, love thee more dearly, and follow thee more nearly." And he added the tagline, "day by day by day by day." I almost fell out of the cinema seat! But what's really funny is that several months after watching the movie, I was reading a book titled Inner Compass and discovered Ben Stiller's prayer is a real prayer. It was originally written by Richard Chichester and is popular in Ignatian prayer circles. Of course, Stiller added an extra "day by day" to "day by day". I actually like Stiller's version better because it gives double emphasis to the "day by day" nature of our walk with Christ.

All laughter aside, there is a profound spiritual truth in that "day by day" tagline: we are designed to live one day at a time. "Day by day" is a biblical catchphrase. Nehemiah 9:19 says, "The pillar of cloud led them forward day by day." Psalm 110:3, "Your strength shall be renewed day by day like morning dew." Luke 11:3 says, "Give us day by day our daily bread." And 2 Corinthians 4:16 says, "Outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

We are designed to live 'day by day." Jesus put it this way in Matthew 6:34. "Don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of you tomorrow. Live obe day at a time."

What does that have to do with transitions? The toughest thing about transitions is the fact that everything is up in the air. Transitions are full of uncertainity and uncertainity breeds anxiety. And if we aren't careful, we can start worrying about tomorrow and stop living today.

In his book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Dale Carnegie tells a story about a medical student named William Osler. William was extremely anxious about his future graduating from school, starting a practice, making a living. He was working himself into a nervous breakdown when he came across the writings of Sir Thomas Carlyle. Thomas Carlyle wrote and William Osler read these words, "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand." Those words revoluntionized Osler's life. He stopped worrying and started living. William Osler went on to become the most famous physician of his generation. He organized the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine and became Regis Professor of Medicine at Oxford. He was even knighted by the King of England.

In an address he gave at Yale University. Osler told the students that he owed his success to a simple principle. He called it "living in day-tight compartments." Osler said we need to let go of "dead yesterdays" and "unborn tomorrows." He said, "The load of tomorrow, added to that of yesterday, carried today, makes the strongest falter."

(Adapted from Pastor Guna Raman devotional "Managing Transition in a Downturn")

DAY 4: Setbacks (Part 2)

God uses all of our past experiences to prepare us for future opportunities. He is at work even when we can't make "heads nor tails" of it. In Exodus 4, God calls Moses to lead Israel out of captivity. And Moses says, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." He felt totally unqualified. But here's amazing thing: God spent 80 years preparing Moses for this moment. God put him through 40 years of understanding the customs of the court. He was the Prince of Egypt. Acts 7:22 says, "He was educated in all the learning of Egyptians." The God put him through 40 years of wilderness - he knew the watering holes and weather patterns and wildlife.

God spent eighty years preparing Moses to deliver Israel and Moses didn't even know it. The most qualified person for the job felt unqualified. Don't be surprised if God opens a door that you fell totally unqualified to walk through.

Last December on a snowy afternoon, my family and I visited the home of Corrie Ten Boom in Haarlem, Holland. During the Nazi occupation of Holland, the Ten Boom family hid Jews in their house. Their home was raided on February 28, 1944, and Corrie was sent to a concentration camp. Through an amazing series of circumstances, she survived and her story was made into a movie called The Hiding Place.

When Corrie Ten Boom spoke to audiences about her experiences, she would keep her head down. It looked like she was reading her notes, but she actually working on a piece of needlepoint. After telling her story of cruelty in the camps and the death of her father and sister and her miraculous release, she would hold up the backside of the needlepoint. It was just a jumble of colours and threads with no discernible pattern. And she'd turn the needlepoint over to reveal the finished side. Corrie would conclude by saying, "This is how God views your life and someday, we will have the privilege of viewing it from His point of view."

Corrie could have questioned why she had to suffer in a Nazi concentration camp. It didn't make sense. It was unfair. But somehow God used the suffering if a woman named Corrie Ten Boom living in Holland in 1944 to lead hundreds and thousands of others to Himself.

In the words of 2 Corinthians 2:14, "Thanks be to the God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ."

(adpated from Senior Pastor Guan Raman devotional "Managing Transitions In a Downturn")

DAY 3: Setbacks (Part 1)

Transitions often seem like setbacks, but God uses them to set us up. When you finally get the news that you will be one those who has to leave the company because of down-sizing, the first reaction is always one of despair. You wish you could say that you were full of faith and believed God was chosing one door so he could open another one. But the truth is you will be scared and confused.

But sometimes God closes a door so that He can move you into what He has planned for you. What seemed like a setback may actually be God setting you up for something better.

2 Samuel 23 tells the story of one of David's mighty men. Verse 20 says, "Benaiah was a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, who performed great exploits. He struck down two Moab's best men. He went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion. And he struck down a huge Egyptian. Although the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, Benaiah went against him with a club. He snatched the spear from the Egyptian's hand and killed him with his own spear.

If you are in a pit with a lion on a snowy day, you've got serious problems! I'd call that a setback. But someday Benaiah kills the cat. Verse 22, "And David appointed him as chief over his body guard." Getting stuck in a pit with a lion on a snowy day is about the last place any of us would want to be, but you've got to admit that "I killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day" looks pretty good on your resume when you apply for a bodyguard position.

I can see David flipping through a stack of resumes. "I majored in security at the University of Jerusalem." "I did an internship with the Palace Guard." "I worked for Brinks Armoured Chariots." Those aren't bad credentials, but then David reads the next resume. It says, "I killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day." When can you start? This is the kind of guy you want in charge of your bodyguard. Do you see how God used that setback as a stepping stone?

Benaiah climbs all the way up the military ladder to become Commander-in-Chief of David's army, but it all started in a pit with a lion on a snowy day. God used that setback to set him up. God uses our everyday experiences to build our resume - to position us where He wants us to be. That ought to give us a sense of destiny.

The primary thing is not to place your security solely on your current job. Instead place that security in God. The jobs may change, but God doesn't change. So make God your ultimate boss. It is He who moves you, in His time, for your good. So when you are moves out of a job, you can be assured that God is about something new in your life. He is using this setback to set you up to something new. Therefore, be expectant.

(Adapted from Senior Pastor Guna Raman "Managing Transitions In a Downturn" devotional)

DAY 2: When God Moves You (Part 2)

" I am so weak that I can hardly write, I cannot read my Bible, I cannot even pray. I can only lie still in God's arms like a little child and trust." (Hudson Taylor's last words)

Transitions are God's way of getting us from where we are to where He wants us to be. Sometimes they seem like setbacks. Sometimes they seem to make no sense at all. Sometimes they last longer than we'd like. But God uses them to strategically position us in the right place at the right time.

In his book Learned Optimism, Dr Martin Seligman says that all of us have what he calls an "explanatory style" to account for life's experiences. He says, "Explanatory style is the manner in which you habitually explain to yourself why events happen." Genesis 50:20 is Joseph's explanatory style. Joseph looks back over his life - all the dysfunction, all the injustice, all the betrayal, all the pain - and he says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

Joseph could have come up with any number of explanations for his thirteen years in slavery and prison. "God has forsaken me." "God is angry with me." But Joseph's explanation is Genesis 50:20. That one verse summarizes him outlook on life. He realises that God used all these experiences to strategically position him as Prime Minister of Egypt.

If you are going to trust God through transitions, you need to know that you know God uses them to get us from where we are to where He wants us to be.

So when you lose your job or when you move from one job to another or when you have to make some changes to your lifestyle because of financial constraints or when you have to deal with relational changes when your kids transit in life - all these transitions are God's ways of moving you from where you are to where He wants you to be.

Those transitions may appear confusing and even frustrating. They may be uncomfortable and painful. But God is at work and He is moving you. Trust Him and wait on Him. Yield to Him and co-operate with Him.

(Adpated from Senior Pastor Guna Raman's devotion on "Managing Transitions in a Downturn."

DAY 1: When God Moves You (Part 1)

"Surely the LORD is in this place..." (Genesis 28:16)

Day 1: Transitions - When God Moves You

(adapted from Senior Pastor written devotion, "Managing Transitions In a Downturn")

Life is full of transitions. You move. You graduate. You go through puberty. You start a job. You end a relationship. You change jobs. Most of us are in transition most of the time. This devotionals are about helping you navigate those twists and turns of life, in managing change in a downturn like the one we are in right now.

Transitions are usually stressful and confusing and scary because you leave familar structures and familar surroundings behind. Alexandra Robbins has written a great book titled; The Quarterlife Crisis and they talk about some of the transition from a stable job to losing that job. One of those interviewed who had lost his job of 22 years said, "When I lost my job. I was really struck by how much I didn't have my 'self' figured out. Without the easy structure of a company and the predictable routine of a work-week I'd used to all of my life, I noticed how everything else was changeable in my life."

When we go through a transition, it's unsettling - it feels like everything is up in the air. I think Job captures the feeling in Job 7:16. "My life makes no sense." But what you need to see during this series of devotionals is that God uses transitions - especially the stressful ones and scary ones and confusing ones - to reveal Himself in ways that He can't during the normal "Monday to Friday, Nine to Five" routine of life.

Genesis 35:7 is a touchstone for these devotional on transitions. It says Jacob "built an altar and called the place El Bethel, because it was there God revealed Himself to him when he was fleeding from his brother." Esau wants to kill Jacob because Jacob stole his birthright. So Jacob literally runs for his life. He's in transition from one place to another place and in the middle of that transition, God reveals Himself to Jacob.

There is something about times of transition - you lose a job or move to a new place or end a relationship - that opens us up spiritually. Our spiritual antennas go up a little higher. We learn to lean on God a little bit more. You don't have to tell someone who is in transition to pray. They can't pray enough!

The question we need to ask during times of transition is this: "What does God want to reveal to me through this transition."

A Tribute to my Pastor

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same again. My Senior Pastor is one such person that best describe the latter. It will be his 50th years old birthday tomorrow. And I would like to take the blogging opportunity to pay a tribute to my Senior Pastor.

He believes in you. Not because you have all your act in place. Not that you are such a genuis. Simply because he believes in what God believes and he lives it out. One of his teaching point to us is, "It is okay to make mistakes." You are not mark because you had make a mistake. But do ensure you do not repeat the same mistake because this is insanity. In 1998, my pastor took a 'big risk' by inviting me on board to be part of his staff team. I had a messy past and if the entry is ever based on qualifications, a clean slate and a credible academic results, I could never count myself as a servant of God. He took the first step of believing in a 'wretch like me'. He is right. I am soaring today because he believes in me. He saw something in me that many might have missed.

He pastors with his heart. He is a strong leader and he demonstrates firm values and disciplines. Many times, it is so easy to mistake him for losing a shepherd's heart. I remembered one afternoon in year 1990, overwhelmed by the demands in the home front. I could no longer concentrate to do my work. I walked right to him and asked for permission to go home. But then, I felt so bad and the next moment, I was saying this: "I am sorry." What I recieved was an assuring reply that I could never forget, "You don't have to say sorry. And if you need more time, stay at home tomorrow." It was at that very day, I truly learned that my worth is not tied to my work. Year 2007 was a very trying year for me. I am physically weak and ill, emotionally downcasted. My pastor carries and mentors the spirit of grace that helps me to grow in Christlikeness. Hegives me grace and space to pick up myself and move on again. I am grateful.

He models leadership. He leads himself before he leads others. He leads out of inner rest and depth. I stand amazed many times by the way he could vision something that is yet visible. He had great insights and he stretched his thinking. He never settles for familiarity and urges us to do the same. He challenges us into uncharted path, takes risk and makes mistakes!

He loves heartily. He loves his family and is very involved in their lives. He protects those he loves. He loves his staff. He remembers our favourite dish and never fails to prepare them for us when invited us for a home cooked meal. Sometimes his love comes tough and hard. It is good for us... we soon realised...

He loves Jesus. He loves deeply and strongly. Quoting from what he highlighted in his blog, "I admire Jesus Christ more than any other human being I have known. I enjoy His ways and His words of anyone else. I want His approval more than I want the approval of anyone else. I want to feel His closeness more than I want to feel the closeness of anyone else. I feel more grateful to Him for what He has done for me than I do to anyone else. I trust His words more fully than I trust what anyone else says. I feel more secure with Him than with anyone else. " Because He loves Jesus, there is power in the pulpit ministry. Because He loves Jesus, he impacts others deeply. Because he loves Jesus, he left footprints in many hearts, and many will never be the same again.

I wrote these words to my pastor on his birthday. I want to end it by saying it again:

Dear Pastor

Happy Birthday! We are so blessed to have a dear pastor like you. Anyway, you don’t actually behave like a pastor (no modification behaviours). You live like a pastor. You live from a heart that is alive, real and awake. You allow flaws and weakness to speak, and the worst to be out of you. So that God can make the best out of you. You taught us how to love, how to desire, how to value, how to believe again.

Matthew and I will not be where we are today if not for a pastor who loves and believes like Jesus does.

There are too much to express, but words too little to carry across.

I guess we can best say it this way from our hearts, “We love you pastor.”

Happy 50th Birthday Pastor.

Driven Passion in My Life

"Love never fails." (1 Cor 13:8)

"I cannot be the person God meant me to be and I cannot live the life He meant me to live, unless I live from the heart."

In my previous blog, I mentioned that the 'Soul Detox' series had enabled my heart to come alive once again. Alive to my heart condition. Those toxic that crumbles in the dark corners. And melted as wax once again in the healing hands of God.

I keep asking this question to myself for the past few weeks. "What drives the passion in my life?" Not that I am unaware or ignorant. But I would want to explore deeper, and what's real inside me. "What keeps me holding on to my stations in life?" "What keeps me waking up each morning contentedly?" "What keeps me hopeful in my doctor visits and check-ups? "What keeps me doing those things I detest and abandon those things that are my 'harmful' delights?" - "What, what what..."

I started by making a list of all things I love, the people, those places, the things are are dear to me. What a long list I have! God spoke to me gently into those things I wrote -"You could not love them if you do not have a heart of love. Love that overflows from the cross." Loving needs a heart alive and awake and freed from toxic. Everything I love is what makes a life worth living.

But is it even possible to love without the heart?

Yes, it is possible. Just that the full expression will be different. My love needs to meet Jesus at the foot of the cross. And if there is any reason that God cannot used me anymore is because there is no love. At the cross, loves overflows. It is His love that is greater than the pain of the journey that keeps Jesus going. Love endures.

I know I will never know how to love much unless I know I am forgiven much. The woman who anoints Jesus' feet knows she is forgiven much. The sinful woman who was caught in the adultery act knew what it meant when Jesus said, "Go and sin no more." Peter knew that he had met the Saviour when he looked into His eyes and fell at his kness, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man."

At the cross, everything is taken care of. There is liberty. Set free from our past failures, rejection, accusation and fear. There is life, a new person, a new spirit and a new heart.

I could truly love, be loved and never lose love. Approaching 43 years of age. I prayed and wanted love to be the driving passion of my life. To walk in His love. (Eph 5:2)

I am thankful and contented that I am surrounded with people who truly loves me and keep believing in me. In all my flaws and weakness, they keep loving me.

Jesus Facebook Friends

Imagine Jesus on Facebook...

Who would be His friends?

The immoral Samaritan woman at the well; the paralytic man and his four friends; the helpless woman with the blood issue; the lonely Zaccheus; the blind Bartimaeus; the widow of Nain; the little children whom the disciples chased away; the downcasted Jairus; the prostitute who anointed His feet with perfume; the demon-possessed man at Gadarenes; the deaf-mute boy; a Samaritan leper and the list goes on and on.

The list would include those of the 'lower class' of society, the rich but poor in the spirit, the downcasted; the rejected; the broken-hearted; the needy, the sick, people with despised occupation, shameful background and those with incurable and chronic dieases.

Jesus mission is very clear. The very reason why He came. I Luke 4:16-20, He read from Isaiah 61, declaring that He had come to fulfill the promise of God. - "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He had anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Loving and serving the rejects is not an emotional thing. It is a biblical mandate. It sums up in one word that does not come naturally or easy. I have to pray for it - Compassion.

I desire to become truly compassionate like Jesus. He has to change me and hypocrisy must go. Let the work of transformation in me be so deep and so real that it becomes obvious to all whom I live with and work with, and those I am called to serve.